Braising my Beef

i am one of those people who constantly crave for company. i am very uncomfortable in silence and i usually hope that i have the same anal attitude of my kuya with regards to his privacy.

i dont. mi casa es su casa (even if it is a disaster area).

ive been learning to enjoy the company of myself. somehow i have managed to be giddy of being stuck in enormous loads of moments.

one of my greatest fears of being single is the amount of free time that i will have — which of course is ironic, since i barely have free time. between chores and my social life, i have learned to use all of the extra hours to get back on track to my love of art and design. i now look forward to "lonely" friday nights so i can indulge in the free fridays at the MoMA, guggenheim and whitney. i even take pictures, but i have yet to gain back my gung ho attitude in taking pictures of things that are interesting.

i have been contemplating about learning html and java - i guess the new media wins. i have put off learning it because of it has the lack of tactile sensation, and because im plainly lazy. funny how i refuse to learn it but i have been animating and non linear video editing. ive been stubborn. it took two persons and a website (how pigheaded of me) to persuade me to learn so. im convinced, but i have yet to do something about it. (haha)

im writing better, but not as good as before. maybe i should write more often, in a much more disciplined manner. ive plainly been rambling, ranting and raving that its a little comforting to know that my professionally writing friend actually reads this! (oy, thank you ha!)

sometimes i even think if what i write is substantial — or at the very least, entertaining. of course, my friends say so because they are my friends and their loyalty is with me!

so what do i do with my free time? i read, watch movies, go to museums, talk on the phone, cook, eat with friends and watch a cacophony of different things that is essentially new york. i envy people who look forward to downtime, and people who thrive in it. im in every bit jealous, but im getting there.

one of the best things about being alone is the lack of company to eat with - hence, i eat less! hooray for effortless weight loss. to the people who have commented on how i never gain weight — two factors: the lack of people to go eating out with on a regular basis, and the enormous pressure to keep fitting in my jeans because my mom wears the same size! i realize this after my cousin and i hung out in my apartment last weekend, that whenever we looked at each other we’d be munching on the caloric gratification of ice cream, mallomars, cake, prawn crackers and whatever exists in my fridge and cupboards. it was a bingefest– not to forget the great amounts of ice cream we consumed at thanksgiving.

so i dunno. i guess getting stuck in numerous amounts of moments isnt so bad after all. i think i like me better now.

hello, me!

wow, amoy pasko na. (wow it already smells like christmas) truth be told, this was said back in october when we got out of new york city opera. at that time, i was pondering on watching the nutcracker - and according to the performing arts fanatics, nutcracker signals the onset of christmas.

thanks to aggie, i got to see the great balanchine/tchaikovsky christmas production. i was once part of the "ballet is boring" crowd. it was something i couldnt comprehend much, even if my creative director and his wife always seemed to have time watching it with their tutu toting daughter.

i tried watching the macaulay culkin movie on hbo a few christmases back in manila, and i got bored. i probably switched channels - either that or my mother wanted to watch something else. i dont blame her though. back then i was part of that crowd, and im glad i crossed over.

the production was awesome, and at some parts very fluffy and airy just like cake. the music is very familiar - to me at least. the dancers were great, especially the children who danced well to the music without skipping a beat. watching them made me a bit tired, but they are kids - maybe they had too much soda before the show.

the principal dancers were great! (ah, my adjectives are failing me again!) especially the sugar plum fairy! my jaw practically dropped when she stood on a one legged tiptoe and her partner just pulled her towards him — while still on tiptoe! she slid a few feet across the stage on tiptoe! wahooo! and all that jumping on her toes was something i just couldnt imagine doing. i wonder how her toes look like?

the music was great. there’s nothing better than listening to an orchestra play live. i was surprised when the sound wasnt overwhelming when i saw the opera, and we were seated a few rows from it. much more surprising is that the sound quality IS THE SAME EVENTHOUGH WE WERE 4 STORIES ABOVE IT. wow. beat that, surround sound! the best part is, the instruments arent even hooked up to microphones and speakers! aaah i love great acoustics!

the audience was mostly kids with their mothers in tow. for the most part, i felt very jealous of these kids, having experienced watching ballet at a young age. its not too late to start though, so i guess im doing something right.

does anyone know?

i dont have much time, im pressed for time, im running out of time… time time, time, time, time! i hate it when people tell me that they dont have time to do anything and yet they do nothing really.

always, i hear, i have to time to do this and that, but really — since when DONT YOU HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR ANYTHING?! you make time to eat your meals, take your (hopefully daily) shower, get to work, go out on dates, see your friends on movie nights and look for stupid personal ads on craigslist.

i’ve also heard "its a waste of time to do nothing." i think this is the biggest bullshit of all - because in reality, doing nothing is when your mind is resting, your body is at a relaxed state and everything else is recharging. its the time that should be taken to reset. this mentality has had household chores accomplished instead of other more important things, like living life to the fullest. temporarily, ive been ruined by this. i now think that lounging is counterproductive and should always be spent learning something, or experiencing something new or tidying up the home.

i recently learned of the concept of overstimulation. i think it is just as healthy to just be. to do everything that your attention deficit disorder affords you.

i know a lot of people who are jealous of my luxury of time. the luxury to read trashy romance novels instead of classical literature, the luxury to listen to the same julia fordham cd instead of hearing the new alternative rock band, and the luxury to visit the museums because i live here.

newsflash. i make time for all of them. i drag my ass on friday nights to museums even if im tired and i could barely understand what im looking at. i live in a messy apartment because i would rather blog than tidy up the books on the floor, the magazines astrewn and the pile of laundry that spilled over. id rather listen to julia fordham again and again because im too lazy to change the cd (and because i love her).

time is gold, as they all say. im just glad i spend mine selflessly without hesitation and remorse. i always keep it a point that if i dont give it right away, i always give an alternative.

maybe blogging is a waste of time. to me, its my selfless way of sharing some time with you, even if i dont know you or even if i dont speak to you often enough.

thank you for taking out the time to read (even if it bores you).

i flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/janjannn

the value of a dollar in new york is 76.2 cents. it really hurts, according to this article, but somehow, i dont really think so.

a lot of my relatives tell me that living in new york is expensive - but i really cant say otherwise since ive never lived anywhere else in the united states. rent is expensive, i’ll give you that. otherwise, everything else is relative.

i went to dinner, saw a movie and went to two bars last night - all for the staggering amount of 35 dollars. granted, i only had one drink per bar, but still, it wasnt a bad night. i had loads of fun, and i have pictures to prove it. yeah, im a cheap date.

one of the greatest things i discovered is the fact that a 5 dollar table service dinner EXISTS IN NEW YORK CITY! ahh. truth be told, the place is called excellent pork chop house. its so excellent id probably eat three! (you get to eat on paper plates and drink your tea on styrofoam cups, but what else do you expect on 5 dollars, fine bone china?!)

ive been to alphabet city three times. once to check out this steak place that was closed, and two times to cavort with two different people. i have passed it riding a car,a couple of times before but my companion was too paranoid about hanging out in there. with its drug infested past and present - i find alphabet city oh so romantic! not in the regular sense of course, but romantic nonetheless. like how assholes/badboys are just oh so sexy? yup. just like that.

i would agree that new york is expensive, but if you know where to go, it really isnt.

oh wtf. my jurassic pc hung while i was making this post.

i went to canstruction last weekend and im glad i caught this year’s show.

of course, the pictures look better than they are in person - well, the labels messed up my vision, and you really need to step away from the sculpture to see what they made. im short, and there was a great lack of space, and my vision is odd. seriously, i tried being smart about it but optical illusion won almost all the time.

i was weirded out because architects made these structures — and at the start, i was pretty sure graphic designers could do the same thing. what’s so hard about putting cans on top of each other and sticking them together with crazy glue? WRONG.

two of the sculptures fell (sorry, no pictures of that) and what i saw sandwiched between the cans of tuna were corrugated cardboard and miles of wire. i guess they really had to have plans for the sculpture to take shape. hehehe.

if you live within the new york metro area, go! it will cost you one can of food as a donation. it runs until the 22nd of november at 200 lexington ave bet 32nd and 33rd sts. just make sure you wear comfy shoes, because the sculptures are scattered in 15 floors. a good reason to take a load of flights of stairs down.

"he’s so fat, im pretty sure his dick is gone."

one regular wednesday night, my kuya and i were watching this WWF fight of mt. fiji back in the day when there was no cable tv, wwf didnt even reach wrestlemania 7 yet and hulk hogan was the wrestling sunny goodguy superhero that he just warranted himself a saturday morning cartoon. my mom comes in the room and just blurts that out. (my mother always used the proper names for genitalia. truth be told, i learned about "flower" in high school values education. hahaha.)

so for the most part, my brother and i were laughing at this information, while my mom got herself ready for bed.

fast forward into my early twenties and i was mostly hanging out in malate getting drunk after work. i asked aggie about biology of a fat man and his small penis. sure enough, she was obliging to this whole scientific impartment of knowledge. of course, ive never really seen an obese man naked, so i have no empirical information whatnot.

enter Borat. (if you havent seen this, well im sorry that this could either spoil or make you watch it more. its not the essence of the story, so i guess its a good thing to read). I just came back from watching the movie, and there was this one scene where he and his friend were wrestling each other naked. borat is thin, and his friend azamat, is fat. much like clemenza in godfather, but im pretty sure he would be maybe 20 pounds pudgier.

so azamat goes about his business, and there is NO black censorship bar because his flapbelly was flappy enough to cover it, and borat had this long black bar to cover his dick - now, im trying to decide whether he made the editors to cover it up with a slightly longer than needed black bar or not.

this scene of borat and azamat goes for a good 5 minutes, and lo and behold, NOT A SINGLE BLACK BAR for azamat.

clearly maintaining a good weight has its penile benefits, so i dont get why america is just piling the fat on. arent they as penis obsessed as their male filipino counterparts?

maybe not? i dunno. maybe i should ask if they have special nicknames for their thing. if you are a male filipino, there is a 99% chance of you having a nickname for it.

the chances of you getting a flapperbelly? slimmer than most.

1: WHAT MADE YOU HAPPY
YESTERDAY?
> clean sheet day!!!

2: WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS
MORNING?
> sleeping. i usually get up at 820ish on a weekday

3: WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15
MINUTES AGO?
> doing the laundry (hence, i need to do a survey. LOL)

4: SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO
YOU IN 1995??
> i was a freshman at up diliman.

5: LAST THING YOU SAID ALOUD?
> nineteen ninety fiiiiive?

6: HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID
YOU DRINK TODAY?
> coffee, water and canned gulaman thing.

7: WHERE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND(s)
RIGHT NOW?
> everywhere

8: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR
TOOTHBRUSH?
> pink, white

9: LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
> cardigan sweaters at the old navy

10: LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED FOR
YOUR BIRTHDAY?
> the blue purse from aggie. it was sooo late. haha.

11: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT
DOOR?
> light blue, with a diamond shaped chef’s window

12: WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR
CHANGE?
> in a glass milk bottle.

13: WHAT IS THE WEATHER TODAY?
> cool & clear

14: BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
> bailey’s irish creme, mayan chocolate…

15: SOMETHING YOU ARE EXCITED
ABOUT?
> playing "visitor" on thanksgiving! woohoo! im not cooking! (as of presstime… maybe i’ll eat mcdonald’s for thanksgiving)

16: LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW?
> must have been that drive from bicol to manila with gabe. hahaha. almost 10 years ago?!

17: WHAT IS THE DOMINANT COLOR IN
YOUR ROOM?
> white

18: DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS?
> no. if lee counts, then yes.

19: ARE YOU VERY RANDOM?
> in a way yes. i just realized i have a mild form of ADD

20: HOW DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR
HAIR?
> its now long and i love it!

21: ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 25?
> yup. i dont even deny it!

22: DO YOU TALK A LOT?
> yeah.

23: DO YOU WATCH THE OC?
> nope

24: DOES YOUR SCREEN NAME HAVE
AN ” X ” IN IT?
> nope.

25: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE NAMED
STEVE?
> my dad. hehe.

26: CURRENT MUSIC?
> david byrne, julia fordham and ella fitzgerald.

27: ARE YOU TICKLISH?
>not really.

1.what kind of first impression do you think people
have when they first see you?
> sarcastic, boisterous (i really heard this!) and crazy.

2. what’s one thing you like to do alone?
>i like taking showers alone.

3. what is your favorite line to say when bored?

>> eeeeeeeeeeeeeh

4. What movie(s) made you cry?

there’s so many, i cant even remember. oh, love affair, the one with anette bening in it.

5. do you ever have to beg?

> yes. i beg for loads of stupid things.

6. what kind of books do you like to read?

>> chick lit, fiction, memoirs and non fiction

7. do you think you’re cute?

>> yes!

8. do you have a problem changing clothes in front
of your friends?

>> no.

9. favorite communication method?

>> phone-email-talk

10. do you care?

>> about what?

11. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at
night?

>> ice cream. i barely do that though.

12. if you could have plastic surgery, what would
you have done?

>> liposuction everything that needs to be removed hahaha.

13. describe your bed?

>> ikea.

14. spontaneous or planned?

>> spontaneous! sometimes plans get botched

16. what do you carry with you at all times?

>> metrocard, wallet and keys.

17. what do you miss most about being little?

>> no worries

18. are you happy with your given name?

>> yes used to hate it though (its too old to deal with when you are a kid, and too male to deal with when you’re a girl. it works out though.)

19. any highlights of this week?

>> upright citizens brigade, last night. we almost got thrown out. hahahaha

20. what color is your bedroom?

>> white

21. have you ever been in a play?

>> in school, yeah.

22. do homeless, or starving people sometimes
annoy you?

>> of course, they stink up the friggin subway!

23. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?

>> i am, to a fault — i am one of the new yorkers who would help strangers to find their way around the subway, language barrier notwithstanding.

24. where is your ideal marriage location?

>> i would say martha’s vineyard, or some new york rooftop.

25. whats one instrument you wish you could
play?

>> piano

26. something you like and hate at the same time?

>> shopping..enjoy but ubos pera (hahahaha i concur!)

27. whats one language you want to learn?

>> spanish

28. have you ever pierced your body parts?

>> ears

29. do you have any tattoos?

>> no

30. whats one trait you hate in a person?

>> plastic

31. do you consider yourself materialistic?

>> to a certain degree, yes.

32. what do you cook best?

>> leftovers! hahaha

33. do you cry in front of your friends?

>>i kvetch

1. MAHAL MO PA BA ANG EX MO?
–> hmmm. oo, pero hinde na tulad ng dati.

2. NAAALALA MO PA BA UNG PAST NiYO?
–> syempre, yung mga iba dun ang nag hugis sa aking katauhan at pag-iisip ngayon.

3. CNUNG EX BA ANG TiNUTUKOY MO?
–> para walang magselos, LAHAT SILA!

4. GANONG KATAGAL BA KAYO?
–> yung iba matagal, yung iba hinde

5. NASAKTAN KA BA NUNG NAGBREAK KAYO? -
-> hinde naman ako bato noh.

6. ANONG MAGANDANG TRAiT NG EX MO ANG
PiNAKAGUSTO MO?
–> lahat sila me gusto sakin! nyahahahaha!

7. KUNG MAY NARARAMDAMAN PA RIN SIYA
SAYO AT NAKIPAGBALIKAN…PAPAYAG KA BA?
—> pag iisipan ko yan pag nangyari.

8. MASASABi MO BANG MiNAHAL MO ANG EX
MO?
–> haynaku, para akong nakahelmet sa kahumalingan.

9. MAY MAHAL KA BA NGAYON?
–> sarili ko! hahaha

10. SiNO ANG MAHAL MO NGAYON? ANG EX
MO O UNG TiNUTUKOY MO NA "MAHAL MO"
NGA?
–> sarili ko nga eh, ang kulit mo

11. AnU AnG gUsTO mO sABiHIn sa Ex Mo?
–> meron ba akong dapat sabihin?

12. Ano kanta mo para sa ex mo?
–> wala.

13. Ano naman masasabi mo sa past/present rel.
mo?
–> weirdo mo talaga, tita christy. ilalabas mo ba ang magic salamin ni tito boy abunda?